Why?

“If you hire people just because they can do a job, they’ll work for your money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood, sweat, and tears.”…Simon Sinek

I am not a difficult person. Really, I try not to complain much, I work as hard as possible for as many hours as it takes, and I usually am flexible. Everyone has motivation and motivation is what keeps them engaged in what needs to be completed. Discovering and capitalizing on someone’s motivation is the key link between happy employees and corporate growth. In my case, it isn’t money that gets my blood pumping. Nor am I excited by a sense of accomplishment, as many people can accomplish formatted tasks. What makes me willing to get out of bed in the morning is the “Why” of the company in which I work. What is the “why”? I am so glad you asked because without your question, this article would probably have to end here. So, let’s explore the “why”, shall we?

“People don’t buy WHAT do you do, they buy WHY you do it.”…Simon Sinek

Over the years, I have worked for companies where I know exactly what they do, how they do it, and have been a part of teams which produced the end results. In other words, I was there to get a paycheck. Once the interest or challenge waned, it was time to move to the next project or company. Oh, the life of a consultant. However, I have also been on a job where what the company or team did was not as important as why they did it. Those situations are the inspiration for me to come to work each day with the desire to do everything in my power to make it successful. Simon Sinek discusses the why in his book “Start with Why”. Haven’t read that book? Well, you should because it dives into the motivations of successful companies such as Apple Inc. and Southwest Airlines, which were not just founded on their why but shared it with the world. They created a culture with their customers which then pulls them in making them want to be a part of the culture. Customers purchased these companies’ products not because it was the cheapest, as anyone who purchased the new iPad or a MacBook Pro in recent years can attest, but because they wanted to be involved in the culture of the company, the WHY. This idea is the difference between collecting a paycheck and being driven to success at work. Instead of me rambling on about the benefits, I would suggest reading Sinek’s book. Now back to my point, stay with me here.

What happens is the company that started with a powerful why surrenders to the what they do? When process, the all-powerful bottom line, and goals become the driving force, the company forfeits the culture which made them strong. The work environment becomes a place where procedure reigns supreme and organizational structures hold higher importance than the morale of the teams. In short, the business loses its soul and with it, the hearts of the employees.

In the fast-paced world we have with instant gratification and everyone- gets- a -trophy, who cares about the soul of the company? Well, I for one do. I am a customer of many of these businesses. From airlines to fast food, I have to interact with a person who is getting a paycheck and not actively participating in the company. The bored, slack-jawed mannerisms make every interaction with another person in business infuriating.

The time of pride in one’s work seems to be lost forever, leaving only the collection of the meager paycheck remaining. . Even in this, there is contention as the entitlement mentality has infected all aspects of our culture. Not only have our companies lost their why, but our culture has as well. We are no longer going to work because we love our jobs (why), but because we just want the paycheck (what). Where once we would proudly answer “I am a (fill in the blank)” we now tell people what we do, “I push papers all day”. To add insult to injury, we are passing this new legacy on to our children who will grow up with an even darker view of the world around them.

So, what do we do? I wish I had the answer for everyone. It is a personal quest you must embark on to find the answer to why you do what you do. Only you can answer the why. Maybe, there is a remote chance, a sliver of hope if you will, where everyone seeks out understanding and searches for why, it may become infectious. Maybe, it will change the world around us. Maybe, you will walk into work and each of you will have a new sense of why we do things and not what we do. Maybe…

Until next time…

jerry b

© 2014

 

 

End of Innocence: Empathy

Wait it’s just about to break
It’s more than I can take
Everything’s about to change
I feel it in my veins
It’s not going away
Everything’s about to change
“War of Change”…Thousand Foot Crutch

Standing in line at the grocery store with his mother, a boy was bored and wondering why he had to come along instead of being out having fun on a nice day. At eleven, he would rather have spent his Saturday afternoon anywhere beside the grocery store. While his limited group of friends was out riding their bikes and laughing, he was pushing a cart around the store following his mother. Impatience to get the errands finished darkened his mood because all he wanted to do was to go out to play.

In line right behind the mother and son, was a group of teenage girls with their collection of soda bottles and potato chips. Though the boy wasn’t at the “noticing girls” age, he envied their laughter and good spirits. Wishing he could be having fun was one more reason to add to his sour mood as he sighed and moved the cart to the end of the checkout lane. His mother was smiling and chatting with the checkout lady and as always, sharing details he was sure were not important enough to keep him away from his afternoon plans. Then all envy of the laughing girls evaporated as the ringleader in the group chose that moment to expand her commentary loudly enough for people in the adjoining checkout lanes to hear.

“Well, we might get there in time if this old lady would shut her blabbing mouth and hurry her fat ass up. Does she think we want to stand here all day and listen to her go on and on? Come on already!”

Moments passed before anyone moved. The only sound was the laughter from the other girls in the group who mumbled their agreement. The boy watched as his mother’s face changed from shades of pink to red. Her eyes, smiling a moment before, glistened with tears. The checkout woman, embarrassed by the actions of the girls, quietly handed his mother the receipt and glared at the group of obnoxious girls in line. Turning towards the boy, the mother pushed the cart towards the door and out into the sunny afternoon that now seemed a little gloomier than just a few moments before.

Silence fell on the two as they drove home. The boy watched as his mother fought with her emotions. She was none of the things the girls had called her. She was young compared to the other parents he knew. She had an infectious smile that warmed others and was always there for other people ready to listen and leave them lighter in spirits. She was strong of heart and of spirit. Why would those girls say such mean things to her?

Though his mother tried to hide them, her emotions were nearly palpable to the boy. The boy felt his mother’s emotions. He could feel the anger, the hurt, and the shame. The boy felt as if he was experiencing the words directly. He wanted to scream at those girls, cry, and lash out. His emotions were churning within him screaming for an outlet.  However, like his mother, the boy sat silently. He knew exactly how his mother felt because he felt the same way every time others threw insults at him. He felt…empathy.

Empathy is defined as the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Being empathic might have started before that moment, but from that day on, the boy thought about his words and actions towards others. He paid more attention to the people around him. He began watching for telltale signs of how people reacted to each other, observing emotions that raced across their faces, and the subtle changes in body language. He saw the pain on the faces of the slighted. Many times, he would go to these injured souls and try to say something to offset the offence. Most times as he offered solace, he was met with coldness and anger. The world became a darker place for him with his knowledge of the pain others suffered from the actions of others.

The boy grew into an adult, picking up lessons along the way. He became a student of people. He learned lessons about how different people react to insults and varied reactions.  Some people lashed out with venomous comments, while others shut down emotionally. He paid attention to what a pleasant word or a gesture would do to change a person’s mood. He also learned that he too, was guilty at times directly or indirectly, for causing others pain. His knowledge of causing others pain was a hard lesson for him to swallow when he remembered that day leaving the store with his mother. No matter what steps were taken to make amends, once the pain was inflicted no kind words could erase the damage.

Thinking back on the ride home that day, he tried to remember if he had said a word to his mother. The memory was cloudy with age, but with a little effort he began to see it again. As they traveled the miles home, his mother drove in silence. Pulling into the driveway, she shut off the engine and reached for the door. Not knowing what to do to make things better, he reached for her arm gently. She turned to look down at his hand and then searched his face in the shadow of the car. At that moment, he understood what to say.

His words rushed out. “Mom, I just wanted you to know that I think you are beautiful. You mean the world to me. I love you.”

Smiling, she patted him on his hand. “Thank you,” she said as she quickly turned away. In the light as he stepped out of the car, he thought he saw a tear glisten her cheek.

_______________________________________

Do you have a moment in your life that brought about a change of your perspective? Do you think the other girls in line understood or cared about the pain they caused? With all the media attention on bullying, do you think this happens more now than it did decades ago? Does this behavior end with childhood or is it prevalent through all age groups?

Until next time…

jerryb.

©2013

“Constant Companion”

As I slowly wake from my sleep, a low rumble alerts my senses. The rumbling gains momentum as it nears, consumes all other sounds, and then passes into silence. Again and again, it comes and then fades away. With each oncoming sound a flash of light brings my eyes flickering open creating an almost instant awareness. Only then do I remember where I am. How close to home has this eastbound bus taken me?

I strain to find something familiar in the darkness outside the cloudy window, I become aware of each car that passes by, with the rumbling growl and bright lights that had awakened me.  Suddenly realization crosses through my sleep fogged mind; to the drivers of the passing vehicles, I do not exist. My only presence in their reality is the bus I ride, howling past them in the opposite direction. Without their knowledge of me, I’m nothing more than a nameless, faceless rider. However, to me, the same is true for the world I’m hurling past outside the bus.

I pull up the sleeve on my jacket, wipe the moisture from the window, and peer out into the darkness. As the world passes by, each house I whirl past has life going on inside, lives I know nothing about. In an attempt to bring these lives into existence for me, I start mentally writing my own stories about what is happening under their roofs.  In the darkened trailer, the children are finally asleep in their beds as their parents, cuddling together on the couch, watch television. The small house on the corner has a woman crying at the table, wondering where her husband is at this hour. Her fingers run through her hair as she stares at the phone on the table in front of her, begging it to ring with some news. In my story, the phone never rings. Finally, the house with the over-grown lawn and absence of any light shining from it has had many stories created about it over the years by the local youth. Some say this dark looming house is haunted while others talk about an old man still living inside, waiting to chase off anyone who comes around. The reality of the house is different for me. The house is being used by local drug users and prostitutes as a safe haven. The stories go on and on with the passing of each town, but to me, the stories are fleeting, existing only until the next one is created. How many lives go on without anyone knowing of their existence?

Without a clear idea how much further I have left until I reach my destination, I look up and count the remaining passengers accompanying me on my journey. The bus is another representation of my life with people getting on and off not really knowing who I am; so many people passing through without taking the time to understand each other. Some of the people may stay longer than others, sharing the journey, but in the end, everyone gets off the bus. The desire to reach out to another person and connect seems to be a lost art. What would it take to authentically care about another person? Most people are happy in their ignorance of others, satisfied their world is as small and as dark as the interior of the bus we are sharing.

As these thoughts pass through my head, a feeling of loneliness washes over me. Loneliness is my constant companion. He is someone who shares my daily life, though I never hear a word of encouragement or question coming from him. He is just a passenger, always by my side along for the ride. We are seemingly all riding with our own version of Loneliness because we are unable or unwilling to open ourselves to the world around us. We are happy in our ignorance, to have Loneliness beside us through all of our journeys. While he is the one passenger that I would like to see get off my bus, I find that he remains my constant companion always in the seat next to me.

I settle back into my seat, move my backpack up to make a pillow, then I turn to my ever present partner and silently ask him to wake me before my stop. With this final thought, I drift off to sleep listening to the growling rise and fall from the passing cars and wondering if Loneliness is riding with them too.

Until next time…

jerryb

© 1994 & 2013

[Author’s Note: This story started in 1994 and has been lost in the notebooks of my journals for almost twenty years. Recently, I went on a hunt to find my old writing and was pleasantly surprised it survived the many moves and storage. This piece is a work of fiction that has been in the back of my mind for many years. I am glad that it has finally been completed. I hope you enjoyed a little piece of me. Thank you for your time…jb]

Airport Diaries #1: Security Hell

Airplane Diaries. A travelers journal

It is that time of year when air travel picks up momentum as vacationers flock to their remote destinations. In my job, I spend a fair amount of time in airports and traveling internationally. In the beginning, the travel was exciting and the people watching was worth the price of airfare, taxes, fuel surcharges and baggage checking. However as time went on the almost missed flights and longer delays as well as other frustrations beginning to pile up lead me to believe that now is time for us to discuss some points, helpful hints if you will, for the first time traveler; if for no other reason than I am stuck around you as you travel.

Getting through a security check is a process that has become increasingly frustrating for people over the past 11 years. The rules set in place to keep us safe from the potential evils of the world have created longer lines and confused travelers who mill around the lines of security. It doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s take a moment to look at a few simple things to make your life easier and less annoying to me, when traveling.

• Sensible shoes: Security in US airports requires all travelers to remove their shoes and place them on the belt to be x-rayed. When traveling, don’t be the person who wears the thigh high boots that lace up to just shy of your ultra-short skirt. You will be required to remove your boots and the hundreds of people following you are not admiring your fashion sense. Instead, we would like to shove those boots firmly up your ass. Other thoughts are also running through our heads, however, they are not appropriate for this particular blog.  Just know, our thoughts are not personal, we will just blame those particular thoughts on the “mob” mentality.
• Empty pockets: When the nice TSA agent says remove everything from your pockets, they really mean everything. Take out your wallet, keys, and even the little bit of paper you acquired during the preflight process. I have an even better suggestion, since you know you are going to the airport, how about not putting anything in your pockets in the first place? Nothing pushes the buttons of those waiting behind you more than to have to watch you be told a dozen times to step back and empty your pockets.
• The confusing laptop rules: Well, the rules are not exactly confusing. If you are traveling with a laptop, take it out of the bag you are carrying, place it in a tub all by itself, and then put all other items in a separate tub. See, it is an easy concept. However, it seems that next to emptying your pockets, this rule baffles more people than anything else. I have to admit, the look of utter confusion when the TSA agent explains this to an intelligence-challenged individual, was amusing the first time or two I saw it, but now is an effort in anger management to keep from placing them in the tub…
• Tourist vs. business traveler: It is easy to pick out the tourists as they are the ones who are socializing with their group of fellow vacationers. They will be wearing the above mentioned fashion attire not suitable for travel. When they approach the security area, they look like little lost children waiting for someone to tell them what to do. Had the group paid attention instead of acting like they were enjoying a happy hour, they would understand what they are supposed to do.  In contrast, you can always tell the seasoned traveler, as they are the ones untying their shoes and removing their belt before they get to the checkpoint.   The most telling identifier of a business traveler is the scowl they are wearing while being delayed by the tourists.
• The rules are stupid: Yes, the rules are stupid and we all know that they frustrate everyone. However, they are the rules set before us to follow. Trying to get around them or incessantly complaining only slows down the process for all of us. The rules won’t be changed just because we complain and they certainly can’t be changed by the TSA agent waiting for you to empty your pockets for the third time. Think of it in this way, it is against the rules to choke the living shit out of people who aggravate us. If we discounted that simple rule, people going through security might find they are suddenly gasping for breath while their thigh high boots are firmly shoved up their ass.

Now I know that most people who travel may only get the chance to do so once a year, if they are lucky, but travelling is like anything else that is not familiar. Pay attention to what is going on around you, read the signs, and listen to the people who are there every day, wearing the uniforms, reciting the rules over and over and over.   TSA is really trying to make it easier on you, just imagine what they see everyday. I do not want to come across as cynical, but I know those of you I will meet at the airport, who may have read these tidbits of wisdom, will not take heed. As such you will see me scowling at you and contemplating if your shoes will fit up your ass with your head already in there.

Until next time…

jerryb

© 2012

 Related Article: TSA: All Touchy, Feely These Days

TTMM Weekly Wrap Up

Welcome to the weekly review of the TTMM.

In the final weeks of the summer, the children are back to school, the weather is trying to decide if it wants to hold on to the last vestige of the heat wave and our time becomes limited; we are looking forward to the cooling calm of autumn. I, for one, cannot wait to open the house, retire the air conditioning for the year, and let the breeze blow through to cool our thoughts.  This is the time of year where the writer in me stirs.

Lately, I have been wondering what voice I wanted to share here on TTMM. I worry that with the wide range of topics and different styles, that some may not be interested in coming back to see future posts. In the end, my struggle wasn’t resolved but I did decide to continue writing for the sake of writing. The good, the bad, and the ugly prose will be shared, as it is the journey that I am traveling, not the approval that I am seeking. However, I do appreciate the feedback and the visits to the site. Mostly, I am trying to say that I want to make sure that what I publish is honest content and not written because of what I think someone will like if it isn’t what I need to say. I just hope that what you read brings you back for more.

This week, we visited a new found enjoyment for graphic novels and books of our childhood. Take another look at this week’s content.

Lock & Key, the Graphic Novel

Building the Foundation: A Daughter’s Love For Reading

Upcoming week:

Next week, I will be traveling out of the country. I hope to use my time wisely and write, however, my ability to post may be limited. Please have patience and know that I will continue to post as I am able. If you are interested in becoming a contributor to the site, email me at TripThroughMyMind@gmail.com for more information. I look forward to hearing from everyone.

Previous Week’s Review: TTMM Week In Review and Special Thank You

Until next time…

jb

Building the Foundation: A Daughter’s Love for Reading

So many things you hope to pass on to your children. Some of the lessons you have learned the hard way, or the experiences you have endured so they will not have to, and an appreciation for things that you discovered. The challenge is to explain to them the importance of the little things that may not be relevant in their world today. Figuring out how to share with them what it was like to have to use imagination to see color on a black and white television with a screen smaller than the laptop on their desk, can be a difficult task. Instead of video games, we had board games and action figures where the “stories” came from our imagination. Explaining there was a time when the only way to see a movie was to leave the house and go to the movie theater, or in the alternative, watching a movie at home meant seeing it years after it was released, with commercials, on one of the five television stations. (Just saying that makes me feel like I grew up in the Stone Age.) So many things have changed since I was my daughter’s age. The one thing I can share with her is my love for music and reading, especially those special books that are such a part of my childhood.

At the age of five, my daughter started reading all the books that covered the bookshelves in her room. Like her older sister, she has a natural aptitude for reading and sounding out words. As her skill level increased, she moved into chapter books, and this was when the fun truly began. I introduced her to one of my favorites: The Boxcar Children. Some of my earliest and fondest memories of reading were of these orphaned children and how they were able to survive on their own, while living in an abandoned boxcar, until they discover the kind hearted Mr. Henry was their grandfather. I slipped the first book of the series in with her summer reading stack, not really expecting it to catch her interest amongst the likes of Magic Tree House, Bunnicula, and Clarice Bean. I was happily surprised when she devoured the first book and asked for the next in the series.

I would not say I was too surprised that these tales still hold interest for the beginning readers. Even though today’s bookstore shelves are filled with television based stories books, the enduring story of independent children embarking on an adventure, inspires the imagination for children who feel like adults control their every move. The author, Gertrude Chandler Warner, wanted to use children’s desires to be unsupervised to appeal to the age group the series is directed towards. And even though the series was originally created in 1924, it still holds the same appeal to children over 85 years later.

Someday, my daughter will wander over to the dark side of the book shelves to read, what we refer to the as the “bratty child books”, as I am also sure she will someday move to more modern styles of pop music. At least I console myself with the fact she will have a good foundation from listening to the music of The Beatles, The Who, and Queen and reading Gertrude Chandler Warner’s The Boxcar Children.

What are some of the first book series that you remember reading as a child?

Until next time…

jerry b

© 2011

 

 

 

 

 

Related links: A Reason for Hope: To My Daughter, Will You Read To Me?

© 2011

Artwork: Soaking Up the Cover Art

Soak Lucy’s only release on Rachael Records ©1999

In late 1999, the marketing company delved into a new business venture by signing on a band to a distribution deal for their CDs. We had created CD artwork for many releases by this time but none for our own projects. This wasn’t a typical record label deal, but our first outing into creating and producing a new release. The band we started working with was from Tennessee, called Soak Lucy, and had some promise. We did the typical marketing and show promotions as we were putting the release together on our newly created label, Rachael Records.

The first order of business was creation of the logo and cover art for the CD release. With a request for a photo shoot, done by the wife of a band member, and the newly created band mascot, dancing stick man concept of the drummer, we were on our way. After a few designs, the one you see above came to light and was released. The first, and only, run was for a few hundred copies. But, the artwork carried over to many of the show posters and marketing material. Sadly, the band’s many changes in members, along with a change of band name, caused Soak Lucy to slip out of existence and as the client we contracted. The hopes of creating a record label to open doors for new artist went out of existence as well. This was one of the projects I enjoyed as it was building not only graphics, but building a product image and foundation for what we hoped would be a new adventure.

On a personal note, the record label was named after my oldest daughter and I still have a copy of the CD to remember that little dream of creating a venture which, if successful, would be something she could work on with me when she was old enough. There are times that I look back on this and wished that it would have taken off so that I could have shared this with her.

I hope you enjoy a glimpse into my past life as a graphic artist as I revisit the stories behind the art.

Until next time…

© 2010

Related Post: Artwork: A Daughter’s Day; Artwork: The Story of “Night Fears”; The Original Trip;

Help Wanted: Parents

Nothing seems to stir up a group of people more than a commentary on parenting. Many people believe that parents are actually responsible for raising their children, not turning them over to the government to make their parenting responsibilities easier, or at times, take their choices away. Through legislation, regulations, and the expectations of our public school system to do all the work, we turn our children over to others to raise.

When did it become someone elses job to raise our children?

Why are there not regulations regarding who should be parents? We have to pass a test to get our driver’s license, to practice a trade, or to get a job, but there is not a certification to be allowed to be a parent. Anyone can reproduce, whether they are mature or stable enough to take care of their children, whether the child is a product of carelessness or misfortune, wanted or not. Some people who stumble into parenthood come out as wonderful, caring parents while others sentence their children to a life without guidance or support.

The irresponsible parents choose not to properly care for their children, but instead push their parental responsibilities off on schoolteachers, television and video games, along with feeding their children whatever is convenient with little regard to nutritional content. Once the child inevitably fails, these “parents” are the first people to point the finger at someone else claiming the system failed their child. Why not blame everyone but themselves, they have pushed the task they chose to undertake onto others.

Whatever happened to family values putting an emphasis on raising children and guiding them through their early years? Though our society has changed from a home with a stay-at-home mother to one that has both parents working, does that mean we should just give up on our responsibilities to our children? Instead of teaching values like hard work to the children, we show them that effort is not required. Parents model behavior. No motivation to cook a meal for the family-have food delivered. Break something in the house-don’t even attempt to fix it- go buy a replacement. Children pick up these lessons quickly. No effort put forth in school resulting in low grades-blame the teachers. When punishment inconveniences the adults’ plans, then give in to the child, consequences to our actions do not really matter right? Is this a way to build our future generations? Each generation becomes more complacent and self-entitled without regard to hard work and respect. Yet as these role-model deficient kids get older, they are the first people to shout injustice when they do not get what they want.

Let us review the changes that have weakened the family and respect of our youth:

• Within the past 20 years, corporal punishment has been removed from our public school system and replaced with suspension. So, let’s look at this from another perspective. If a child skips class they are punished by being barred from the very class they didn’t attend in the first place. Then parents get outraged because they have to make arrangements for child care during the suspension. Do they get upset at the child? No, they scream at the school system. However, these are the same parents that were outraged by their child getting “swats” in the first place.
• The failing of the school system, due to the higher expectations and lack of parental involvement, prompted the federal government to institute the “No Child Left Behind” program in the mid-nineties. This program shifted the focus of education away from improving overall education to that of a school system report card, reflected in the state-wide testing. Any school that does not meet a certain testing grade for their overall district was penalized. With the fear of losing funding or accreditation, the focus shifted only to the areas covered by these tests. The teaching of life skills and other areas that will help to build a more balanced child have been removed from curricula, deemed further down the priority list than math, science and reading skills. In theory “No Child Left Behind” would have been a good program had it focused on the education of children, but instead it was underfunded and became a way to target schools and specific teachers
• As bad as “No Child Left Behind” was, the “Common Core Standards” are much worse. With Common Core the basic flaws are two-fold. First Common Core completely dummies-down the curriculum while making simple processes harder. Take a look online at Common Core Math. Children get the bare basics education and forget anything enriching.       While the program stresses reading, our reading skills have deteriorated to the point of near illiteracy in high schools. Secondly, Common Core does not focus on the students’ learning but rather on the teachers-who are not allowed to teach-once again not holding the right people accountable.
• The hundreds of television stations are not a cause for concern, but the change in focus to commercialized shows geared for toddlers, under the pretense of being educational, has encouraged parents to start allowing children to watch more and more television. The convenience of putting their child in front of the television instead of interacting with them, has encouraged many parents to use the TV as a babysitter. Shows in the toddler/preteen genre are used to primarily market products and reach viewers during the most influential and developmentally important years of kids’ lives. The early indoctrination into a life of television has shown a decrease in developmental skills. In addition the added television viewing obviously is adding to the rampant childhood obesity in the US by promoting a sedentary lifestyle early on.

While there have always been irresponsible and bad parents, it seems as though there are more now, or maybe the shortcut parenting is just more acceptable in society. What is it going to take for parents to become parents again? Having a child is more than just about giving birth. From the moment a child takes their first breath, the parents are supposed to be there to guide them, show them how to be someone who commands and give respect, possesses a desire for accomplishments, and holds honesty as a desired trait. Being a parent is a lifelong task. It does not end with conception, with labor or the eighteenth birthday. We are supposed to teach, guide and show our children how to be a better people, productive members of society, people of character. It takes time, effort, and patience. Tough choices must be made and sacrifices are required. It takes more than existence and presence to be a parent. Stand against the norm, if that is what it takes.

Until next time…

© 2010

 

Lessons Learned (Or Not)



Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit
Then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb
You’re my sugarplum
You’re awful, I love you!
Ludo…Love Me Dead!

The words resound in your head with songs and the lyrics you can understand. There is always something about us that wants to connect to people who aren’t good for us. Some of them are friends, some are lovers, and others are just people who are better left in the past. We are all creatures of a social world as I have previously mentioned. The problem lies in the wanting to connect to people that we know better.

We all subject ourselves to this point of misery in order to capture a feeling, a moment in time or to stay in a comfortable place that we know. How many people do you know are in relationships that are not good for one side or another? You wonder why they are not seeing what you see in the situation. That is the benefits of being on the sidelines and observing. We each have to make our own mistakes and try to learn from them. Our nature doesn’t always allow us to get the lessons from the situation and we make the same mistakes over and over again.

Had to turn,
Lay down,
You’re sting of disease,
Phase you,
Out,
should’ve seen this coming,
Go on,
Confusing the soul,
Hold my breath,
Til you rupture!
Chevelle…Closure

My issue with all this is why do we do it? I can understand the wanting of acceptance from someone but, why do we pick, the people we do? I personally can look back and see hindsight that the situation wasn’t good on many levels but we fought for it anyway. We look for those that are unavailable, injured, immature, and lost then try to make something work with them. I see my friends doing the same things over and over again. We don’t listen when we are warned to stay away. We charge in and think that “this time it will be different”. In the end, it is the same things over and over again. We are not only social creatures but also one of habit.

Pain, without love
Pain, I can’t get enough
Pain, I like it rough
‘Cause I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all
Three Days Grace…Pain

What I keep trying to figure out is how to break that cycle. If you burn your hand on a hot pan you wouldn’t grab a pan so quickly the next time. Yet we will stumble back into the same pain of heartache over and over expecting different results. Is the pain of the heart that much different. Looking back over the past years, I see that my choices haven’t always been the most sound. Those people you think you want in your life do not want you in theirs. The ones that you care for can’t decide if they want to give things a shot to see what happens. In the end, you settle.

Run away run away
With the pain
That I told you once I could not spare
Its only satisfaction was fear
Tantric…Live Your Life

Why do you do this? The answer is actually fairly easy. We have hope. We believe that somewhere out there, there is someone who will complete us. I for one know that it is true. This is the reason that we wake up every morning and the reason that we smile. I will follow this piece of hope and am willing to suffer all the pain that comes with heartache for that one chance that somewhere out there, there is someone who will want to share the experience. Someone that will be able to share the joy of the life we live.

They are out there. Do you have enough hope to keep searching?

Until next time…

© 2010

 

The Age of Audio Books

Discovering a new method to enjoy books.

There are many ways to get your reading fix throughout the day. In our modern age of technology, there is something to be said about the ability to listen to a book while driving along through rush hour or to be sitting with your computer and reading your favorite novel on the screen.  Now, you don’t even need your computer to read eBooks, since the release of items like the Kindle and Nook.

About 13 years ago, I was working in the music industry and the artist that my company was managing was signed by a label that also owned an audio book company. It was the first time I had seen them and through our meetings, we were allowed to get a few books for ourselves. I have always been an avid reader but this was the first time that I had listened to a book. I was reluctant to try the books on tapes so I stored them back on the shelf for a couple of years. Then I had a position that required me to drive for over an hour a day and I found that the books came in handy. This began my journey to a new obsession.

Audio books added a new depth to the stories. I found that stories that ordinarily wouldn’t intrigue me in the written word from were somehow fascinating when I listened to them.  Perhaps one of the main reasons for this was how the narrators brought the story to life. It may have also been that since my eyes weren’t engaged and I was only listening, I could slip into the author’s world easier than following it on the pages. The only drawback I found was that the media of cassette tapes was frustrating when it came to checking them out from the library. After listening I would listen to seven of the eight cassettes and becoming completely engrossed in the story, the final tape would invariably break or be ejected from the player, leaving me with a trail of black audio tape mess, a broken heart and no conclusion to the story.  After a few of these let-downs, coupled with and a shorter commute, I lost interest. In time, another technological improvement came along, the iPod.

It took me a few years to see the benefit to these devices beyond listening to music. It wasn’t until I discovered the website Audibles.com that I slipped back into the audio world of stories.  With a small monthly fee, I was able to download a book a month for the cost of lunch and listen on my way to and from work. I would find myself disappointed when I would arrive at my destination because I would be lost in the moment of the story.

This year alone, I have covered more books, by listening, then I would have had time to read. In addition to the printed novels that I have experience, I have covered over six book series and went back to many classic works that I didn’t have time to read the traditional way. It has opened up a new time to enjoy authors, my drive time.

So, if you are looking for a way in increase your ability to enjoy more books, getting lost in a story, I would recommend you give audio books a try. With the narrators giving depth to the story, the ability to use time that might have been lost, and the accessibility to stories that you might have missed all make this medium a nice addition to traditional reading.

Until next time…

© 2010

Talking Heads Without A Voice

“Hanna Pitkin (1967) provides, perhaps, one of the most straightforward definitions: to represent is simply to “make present again.” On this definition, political representation is the activity of making citizens’ voices, opinions, and perspectives “present” in the public policy making processes.” taken from Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (2006)

I awoke today to the morning news as I do most days. Between the weather, daily reports of shootings and silly human tricks that make up the morning news the commercials for political candidates fill my waking moments.  Over the years, I have started paying more attention to who represents my interest in the political arena. Most of the time, I get drawn to one candidate or another but in the world between sleep and wakefulness, I realized that nobody is representing my interest.

With all the pointing the fingers and sensationalism that is presented to sway the votes of people, who for the most part will vote their party anyway, there is no real message. It is a series of who voted this way or who stole this money. I have to admit that some of them are pretty humorous in their obvious distraction to their own agenda.  Overall the substance is as solid as steam.

There was a time, I am not sure if it was just folklore or reality, from our history books that portrayed politicians as the representatives of the common man. Farmers, shop owners and small business men dominated the political world. People with the ideas and conviction to convince their fellow citizens that they were going to represent their beliefs were the ones that served. In this day and age, this sees more of a myth than a history lesson.

Why is it that we spend our time complaining about the way government is ran, yet we don’t make a conscious effort to do anything about it? The choice is not simple. It involves educating ourselves on the choices we make when voting or to even vote at all. I have to admit, I am not the most avid pollster when it comes to election time. Recently, I have found out how my lack of involvement in local government is impacting my family, but that is a story for another time.  However, it brings me to the point I am trying to convey. We are people who have the freedom and rights to vote for those representing us. Many have died for this right and many are still dying for the rights that we have. Until, we as citizens, pay more attention to what is happening in the world around us instead of spending our time watching the television and complaining, will forever be cattle that is led to the slaughter by someone else that is benefiting from the meat.

Just try for a moment to look past the flashy television ads, lawn posters and political parties. Seek out the real issues and beliefs that matter to you and your family. Educate yourself on our government, the world and the policies that are being initiated. Learn about how each decision a business makes impacts your life. Dig for the answers to question. Even better, understand the questions and stop being cattle. If you choose to be ignorant in what is happening around you, then you choose to not complain about it. You are not a victim, you are a participant in what is happening.

Until next time…

© 2010

Falls Apart

And the hell of it is what we are
We finish and wish we could start again
Our skin tears away
As our memories fade with age
And we don’t even know ’til it’s gone?
Hurt….Falls Apart

I was thinking today on thing from my past and the lessons that I have learned. I wonder if I sabotage each of the relationships I have been because I haven’t figure out how they are supposed to work. We have this fairy tale image of what they are supposed to be like when we look at the movies. Not matter how disastrous it begins we still think in the end it will work out. If it is working out in the beginning we are looking for the reason of failure.

Once failure arrives, either by our own hands or by that of our partner, we scramble to save the pieces out of desperation. We try to talk through it and look for the things that are broken. We try to hard to fix it and forget why we were there in the first place. Mayhem and broken dream follow. Until the day it is over and you have nothing left by shattered memories and an aching heart. Searching for the answers as to what happened. That is easy, we happened.

We happened to it and there is only ourselves to blame.  We tried too hard or not hard enough. We lost site of the fact a relationship is a partnership that requires each to bring something to the table. There are sacrifices in other aspects of our lives to make it work. We have to make time for each other and make an effort if you want it to happen. Words alone will not put the pieces together. Actions and honesty will keep it from falling apart.

So lie like a waste by the side
As everything just falls apart
‘Cause everything just fell apart for me
Hurt…Falls Apart

So, what to do when it does fall apart? There are multiple answers to this question. We could walk away and leave the past in the past. Then you will lay awake at night and wonder if that was the right decision and sometimes it is. We could try to put the pieces back together but in only rare cases this can work.

Stepping back to remember why you were there in the first place and seeing if the direction each are heading is the same. This takes both parties to agree on. Fear of loss will generally push you to try again, even if it isn’t for the right reason. In the end only the two of you will know what course to take.

I wonder if the reason I am still wander out in the world of failed relationships is my lack of understanding or is it my desire to be with the wrong people. Those that are unavailable or cannot commit to being in the partnership of a relationship. Each person I am with satisfies a need that I have in some way but do they satisfy the majority of the needs that make the relationship worth while? My heart leads me into these issues that I have and the fear of losing the things that I enjoy keeps me beating my head against the wall. Is my life made up of a collage of different people who provide bits and pieces of my emotional and physical needs? Some stimulate my mind, while others make me laugh.  There are so many connection on so many levels and each of them bring forth a little bit of happiness.

When do we meet the person that completes and provides the whole package for us? Do we ever or do we settle for what is here right now? I guess that there are times when I want these answers and when I don’t need them at all. Which of these two mindsets is the real me?

And I don’t feel the need to go on
I was happier singing along the way
I had things, I need to say
Hurt…Falls Apart

Where’s the Effort? A Trip to Higher Education

 “you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f*ckin education you coulda got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library”…

 Will from Good Will Hunting

In my previous post I mentioned being back in school. This isn’t a new thing for me, even at the advanced age. I have always wanted to be in school to get my degree. It wasn’t from the lack of desire or motivation; I just have lived a, how should I say unusual life. I spent many years working in an industry that you didn’t know from day-to-day where you would be waking up. After leaving that world, I thought I would try my hand at the “normal” life and walked into the wonderful world of information technology, commonly called IT. It wasn’t a career I chose but one that I fell into when I needed steady employment. I began this new career thinking that I would have more time to go back to school.

I wasn’t embarrassed when asked where I went to school at in the beginning. I would proudly say the University of Borders. Why pay $1200 dollars for 3 credits when you could get more information from $200 of books at the local Border or B&N. I thought it was a cute way to respond until I realized as my experience grew in my field, I was hitting the glass ceiling. You know, the one here you look up at all the asses above you and think, I could do better. Well, my schedule normalized and I wavered more than a politician on whether the time was right for me to go back and finish the degree I desperately needed. I made my choice of schools that worked with my schedule and bit the bullet (can I use any more clichés here?). I was a college student again.

 I had high hopes of being surrounded by higher thinking individuals; people who might challenge me to think of bigger and brighter things. By surround, I meant in the virtual world of online classes. You would think that anyone that can make an entry into a college level course that requires the use of a computer and internet would have some brain power to put together a thought or two. It just goes to show you that higher education does not mean higher intelligence.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an elitist and think that I am smarter than anyone else in the expansive world we live in. I believe that others in my class are potentially just as able to use their minds as the next person. What I found were people who had the ability to do the work but the drive to barely get by. How can you inspire to be a better person through education and still do the bare minimum? I see this as a chance to learn new ideas, methods and expand the mind to have personal growth at a price tag that will choke even the monetarily blessed. If you are paying the amount we are for an education, why can’t you grab it for all it is worth? This isn’t high school anymore. The education isn’t free just because you are not paying for it now. The bill will come due. 

 The daily review of my classmates makes me wonder why they bother with doing it at all. They lack the effort to correct even the simplest grammar mistakes. Not that I have the best grammar but how can you not catch mistakes like “that would be the word I would of used.”? Instead of using the tools to communicate and share ideas, they simply log on and post “checking in” for attendance. Nothing and I mean nothing, irritates me more than someone who is lazy and unmotivated. You do not have to be smart or well read but you do have to try.

 Classrooms and discussions are supposed to be about the exchange of ideas and the sharing of thoughts between people with a common goal. If I wanted to just pass my time in this life I would have went the way of Dante and Randall and worked at the convenient store all my life.  I could have spent my entire day exchanging sophomoric rhetoric with other with a like mindset. At least then I would have been able to share thoughts with people.

 My disenchantment with the laziness of our current society will probably poke its evil little head out to rant from time to time. It seems the further we evolve, the less motivation we have. Everyone wants a handout and entitlement. What happened to working for it? I am where I am at in life for two reasons, I worked hard to get here and I didn’t work hard enough to be further along. I have nobody to blame but myself. I do not need someone giving me anything that I am not willing to work to get. Why do my fellow classmates think that doing the minimum will give them the degree they seek. Was there a special on a degree at Wal-Mart or something?

 Until next time…

Words on a Screen…

An online friend of mine was messaging me this morning. I started to type a reply to one of the messages and this is what came about. Before I hit the send, I read through it and thought that it applied to all of us out here. So, instead of sending the message, I thought I would share it with you. Those that read and wonder what goes on in my thoughts. What is my angle:
To all my readers:

For each of us, caution is necessary. I have seen some of the best in people and more often than not, the worse. I look for everyone’s angle, even if they do not know it themselves that it exist. I am a study of people so that I can understand myself more. I like to explore others mind, not for nefarious reasons but for understanding.

What do I want from you? It would be a fair and logical next question after my statement above. I have that answer. What is my angle, as I stated everyone has one? I too have an angle with you. I am learning many things from you with each message. I learn about both you and your readers in each post you make. You are a realm of diverse subscribers and each has their own little niche in the world.

I once, in another life, used to work with musicians and guide their careers. Those days are long gone but I miss the ability to share my insight with others. Being online gives me the chance to do that again without all the drawbacks it previously had.

Be cautious with people. They do deserve the added attention. I enjoy our conversations and will not make the blanket statement that I am different from the others because, honestly, I do not know that I am. I know I think in different ways from the people I have met. Just think of me as words on a screen. We will never meet in person. Never hear the voice on the other end of the phone. We are just words on a screen with thoughts behind them.

I will offer this to you as I offer it to all other people that I talk to: I will give you honesty in my statements in all that you ask of me or when I share with you. I have nothing to lose by giving that up freely.  I do not ask this in return but only hope that it is given as freely. I will not ask you personal questions that would show your true identity or where you are at in the world because that would take away from the trust we will build.

I know this sound like a lot of rambling but I wanted to give you a piece of me to dissect as you give up fragments of yourself in our conversations.

I am here to encourage because the world needs more people like you to express themselves. I am here to listen as it will foster ideas in your writing. Consider me your virtual muse. Nothing more than words on a screen.

Until next time…
~jerry b

©2009

Life’s Little Frustrations

We all have them. Then nagging moments when you feel the urge to scream out your frustrations. In an effort to share some of those moments, I have compiled a list of the things that may or may not bring about the personal explosion that comes from the uncontrollable stupidity or frustration. Most of the time, it is your own fault.

Life’s frustrations:

1. When you need tech support for your system and all the IT friends are busy. Or being an IT person and not having time to fix your own broken computers.
2. Thinking that you will just fill up the gas tank in the morning only to find out it jumped up 30 cents while you were sleeping.
3. Wearing an outfit that is appropriate to the weather outside but not knowing what the temperature in your office will be. Hence the freezing in the summer or the feeling of on a winter day. Where is the office weather forecast?
4. Spending an hour doing inventory and making a list before going to the grocery store only to realize, once you’re at the store, that you forgot it on the table at home.
5. Spending the whole day at work wishing that you could get something done only to get a “must do” task 45 minutes before the end of day.
6. Making a sandwich and realizing that the last, and most important ingredient, is the thing you told the children they could have the night before, leaving none left for your masterpiece.
7. Realizing that the traffic report’s explanation of the hour-long backup is actually caused by your broken down pile of junk that you call a car.
8. The day our favorite show is doing the series finale is also the day Mother Nature decides to give you the worse storm in history, knocking out all power, satellite and cable for thousands in your area.
9. Leaving work, fighting the lunch time traffic across town only to find that the bank that you desperately needed to get money from is closed for some obscure holiday.
10. Waking up after a post-sexual escapade nap only to remember that your child is having friends over. This realization comes as you stumble into them, naked, on your way to the bathroom.

Finally, this is an example of one of the most frustrating things. Expecting there to be something worth while to read when you click on someone’s blog only to find out it has been a waste of your last few minutes of your life that you will never get back. Wanna scream now?

Until next time…

© 2009

10 Cosmic Practical Jokes

I have had many twists and turns throughout the years I have been on Earth. Each breath has brought me new possibilities to learn. I learned to walk, ride my bike, kiss a girl, and the joys of parenthood. Of all the lessons that have been ingrained in my head, there are moments, lessons really, that rear their ugly head from time to time. Observations, if you will, of things that can be seen as cosmic practical jokes. I started a list of these things that frustrate, cause outbreaks of panic and made me realize that someone out there has a seriously sick sense of humor.

1. I have learned that not only is there not a free lunch but you usually have to pick up the tab for the others at your table. Everything has a price. Sometimes, you end up paying someone else’s bill.
2. The waiting room of a doctor’s office does not have a magazine from this year or even this century in some cases. If you do finally find an article that you are interested in, your name will be called and you will have to leave it, never to see it again.
3. You only truly have to use the bathroom when there isn’t one available for miles. After frantically searching, you get there and find out you don’t have to go as badly as you felt you did.
4. The one day in a weeks that you can sleep in late, is the day that you naturally wake up early- never to be able to find sleep again.
5. You meet someone who you completely connect with only to find that they are committed to someone else. Then when they finally realize what they are missing out on and leave their situation, you have already moved on.
6. The situations you have learned the most from, are the ones, when at the time they were happening, felt like your world was ending. Looking back on these situations and their lessons, they seemed minor.
7. When you feel you have created a masterpiece,  your greatest creation and then look back upon years later, you realize it is equivalent to your first finger painting project.
8. The day after you scrape money together to fill your gas tank, you car will break down. This is almost as sure as the sun rising in the morning.
9. After months of seeking a willing partner in your sexual escapades, you finally find someone incapacitated enough; be it drunk, desperate, or out to get even with someone, and it happens to be the one night of the decade that you are unable to go home with them.
10. It doesn’t matter what car you buy, when you first get it, you are meticulous about keeping every speck of dirt off it. Months later, it looks like the overflowing trashcan from the local fast food joint.

This collection is not all inclusive by any means. I am sure if I sit here for a while longer, I will be able to add at least another ten. That would only prove to be disappointing and cruel. Some things are better left inside the dark corners of my mind, if only to have something to write about in the future.

Until next time…

jerryb.

© 2009

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Just Another Day

July 10, 2007

For those of you who have children you might understand. For those that don’t yet or don’t plan to have any this will probably not make sense. Each night when you come home from your day at work, there is someone waiting for you. Many nights, I make a stop on my way home to get my little one from daycare. Just walking in there each night and entering the room to have someone get excited just to see you. Her eyes light up, she lets out a scream of excitement and runs to meet me. That washes away any stress from the day. Instead of thinking about all the things left undone or your next business day, you get to hear and learn the day a three-year old experiences through the eyes of innocence. No deadlines or task, just play time and new friends to hear about. Does anyone remember what it was like the first time you were able to just play and have no worries? Daily I get reminded of what that was like. The walk to the car is even an adventure. Climbing in the car is a show of independence as she insists on doing it herself. Then, don’t even think of hearing your music on the radio. “Can I listen to my music” is the first thing that you hear as you close your door. For the millionth time, you hear “I’ve been working on the railroad”. These days, it doesn’t come just from the radio, you hear the soft sounds of her learning each of the new words. The last remaining miles of my trip home each night is blessed with the excitement many of us haven’t known since we were sitting in the back seat, listening to our music and telling of our day of coloring, play-doh and new friends. Maybe tomorrow I can teach her some of music…Breaking Benjamin isn’t that difficult for a three-year old to learn.

UPDATE…

August 2010

I was reading an old post from a few years ago. How things have changed. The little girl who sits in the backseat no longer hums along to the childish songs. She received my old iPod this weekend and it was loaded with some of her “new” favorite songs. At age five, soon to be six, she is a fan of a little known band for this day and age by the name of The Beatles. Gone are the simple children songs of her youth. Now, I hear the off-key sounds of “Let it Be” and “All You Need is Love”. The Beatles are not the only songs that ring from not only the car but her room, the kitchen and even in the shower. She has a growing fondness for some of my childhood music to the likes of The Who, KISS, Elton John and Queen.

How things have changed in the past three years. Though there are still bedtime stories read each night, a little under half of them are read to me now. Her reading skills amaze me each day. The sound of her voice brings me joy as she reads a line in her book and giggles at what the characters are doing, pointing out how silly some of it is.

Next week, she will start school. I look forward to hearing about the new friends, as well as some of her current ones. The excitement of riding the bus the first day, as well as the hundredth will keep me smiling for months to come.

And to the point of new music, I haven’t ventured into Breaking Benjamin yet but she does have some selected songs by Seether filtering in with the classics. Maybe there is hope yet.

© August 2010- j. benns